resurrecting

My scanner has been acting up a bit, thus the lack of scans, but I think we are back in business. The past few months have been filled with a lot of new beginnings and new friendships, really abrupt endings, some of the most terrible news of my life, and some amazing news. At the beginning of the new year almost everyone I knew expressed that this is "The Year", whatever that means to them. I feel it, too. A lot of people have walked out in the past year, but I am so grateful for the people who continue to stay and watch me navigate through everything that has been unfolding as I watch them do the same. However, I find the most inspiration from the absence of the ones that chose to leave. The wanting or the weirdness or the questions or the anger. It sounds like uber lame, but these are the moments when I feel the most adult. I can see personal growth in the ability to let people leave, call out and deal with whatever I'm feeling, but not let it wreck me completely. 

I do feel raw, though, after having to shave down the feelings and trust that I build around people over and over again. 

Anyway.  

Tania's mysterious booty print behind the usual late night coffee spot.

Andrew. We used to live in a one bedroom behind the El Rey with another boy, one cat, a dog, and a turtle. I miss walking into the living room with Pokemon on the tv and him waving cigarette smoke out our fourth story window.

The Lovely Bad things at The Smell.

I made a friend, Morgan, at the LA Zine Fest. We made a comic together about our biggest weirdest fears. They included Leonardo DiCaprio's death, running into exes, eating spiders in your sleep, clogging toilets in public. The usual.

Messing around at Kit Kraft.

Probably one of my top ten favorite pictures I've taken ever.

A lot of pictures that I took in February/March are really good.

They're just kind of hard for me to look at.

The tiniest new coffee spot. 

I took this on their opening day.

I took two so they could keep one.

I like giving these to nice strangers.

Happy Easter.

butt water and rare tortoises

Here are some scans for your eyeballs.

I went to Santa Monica and walked around and lost my groove for a bit. 

Zoltar had a glare. But I should've known better.

Shitty tourists walked through my picture.

This was a pretty row of cotton candy colored buildings and I had the wrong flash setting.

I was super over it and didn't even attempt another.

Even scanning this, I accidentally got my hair stuck in the scanner.

Fuck it.

But then I took this and I felt loads better.

Took a bath and tried not to think about sloshing around in my own butt water.

It was nice until it wasn't.

Tania's that friend that I can be like, "Hey do you want to drive to Arizona with me and feed some rare tortoises?" and she's down.

She comes back from the Philippines tomorrow.

I missed her a lot.

auf ein neues

New Year's flashbacks.

• Aaron and I before or after I slipped on champagne trying to dance.
• The setup.
• Mike Valentine as Shrike the rockstar.

scraps

Here are the things I stole, the things I was given, the things I found and took this week.

• Post dance party photo booth sesh that no one was prepared for.
• Front porch nature.
• "Feminist Library on Wheels"
• NO REFUNDS on magic crystals, apparently.
• Songs to hate your ex to.
• A very festive and culturally-sensitive drink wristband.
• Zine I would recommend to anyone, even if they aren't sad.

scraps

Inspired by Adam Kurtz's "week in scraps" posts and my affinity for my crap scanner, here are the things I borrowed, the things I stole, the things I was given, and the things I found and took this week.

For once, I don't feel compelled to explain anything.

Gemini Moon

After my trip to San Francisco, I realized how much I love to take pictures of of others. I have been thinking a lot about taking this blog in a direction that could maybe help me make better art for myself and for others using this stupid plastic camera. Obviously, in order to figure out if this is something I can  even do, I need a few guinea pigs.

I'm always in awe of the way the universe trickles people into your life for reasons that might not make sense to you until years later. Bri is a very good example of this. I worked with Bri about 4 years ago at a salon, and while we didn't interact much at work, after I left we continued to follow each other on Instagram for years, learning that we have very much in common- our love for Circa Survive, bearded dudes, ~alternative medicine~, and art. I guess this kind of indirect online friendship is based on the phenomena we all know as The Girl Crush.

I instantly thought of and reached out to Bri after catching wind that she had recently decided to pursue modeling. I was stoked she was down and as you can see, Bri is one beautiful guinea pig.

Looking like a babely PJ Harvey.

Thank you, Bri. I wish you so much luck in all you do.

moz-zarella please

Last night, I went to go support my friend Hector's Smiths/Morrissey Night at Pitfire Artisan Pizza in West Hollywood.

Vegan pizza, beer, friends, merch, and music. Can't really ask for a better Thursday night.

Gabe and his friends. The best pizza I've had in a while. Daiya cheese and mushroom.

Hector's hands. Hector's new"That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore" tattoo.

A thrilled Steven. Hector looking like a straight azn cherub.

Steven took these pictures of me. I don't care how emo I look, I like them so much.

If you're in the area and want some cool bootleg Morrissey merch (like what I'm wearing) or want to know when the next Smiths/Morrissey night is, you can follow Hector on IG, @smiths_moz_bootleg.

No me toque.

In math, two negatives can either make a bigger deficit or can create a positive number.

If a girl who doesn't give a damn pretends to be a girl who doesn't give a damn, what does that make?

Moonriver

This weekend, I took a last minute road trip up to San Francisco with Aaron to watch his best friend get married. It was a weekend full of laughs, naps, public bathrooms, vegan food, pretty views, shitty views, and love.

The Lomba(rd) Motel. WELCOME.

Baker Beach.

No one told us this was a nude beach.

So many ding-dongs.

 

Donuts in the sky with diamonds.

My hand looks super fat. It doesn't help that I'm holding a donut.

Chris and Anne. They like Morrissey, animals, and each other.

They walked into the reception to Burzum.

Sold.

Steven, Alex, Russell, and some random I met that time I did a 20 count kegstand when I was 19.

Pretty things.

Aaron and Chris. Anne and Laura.

Love is cool.

Anne and Chris, thanks for letting me witness yours.

I'm starting to believe in it again.

belated

When I was younger, I really thought that when it was your birthday, you were really supposed to feel it. I don't know what the feeling was supposed to be, exactly, but every birthday I was disappointed to wake up feeling the same as the day before. This expectation carried on until my late teens and was probably one of the last semblances of naiveté that I carried until I hit about nineteen and grew up wayyyy too fucking fast.

However, early this month, I woke up one morning and felt it. In place of the tinge of loneliness that usually sets in, I woke up and felt calm and whole and real. This is the part where Britney's "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman" starts playing in the background. Whatever, I don't know how to explain it, but I guess I really don't have to. It just felt... good. I can't say that I feel this way all the time now, but it's nice to know that I can.

Anyway. Here are some scans from the past two weeks.

The most perfect picture of Tania and a new friend, Ike.

I realized after- that this was the first time in a long time that I went out and I didn't have to text anyone when I got home. It was kinda sad/kinda rad.

I forgot this person's name but he told me some crazy shit and I have the most dead eyes and I'm not wearing a bra.

 Tami saw this picture and said, "You look young and dumb, but like, in a good way."

A cute pink house. You can see my car if you look close. I swerved into its driveway and ran out into the middle of the street to take the picture. I've been doing this a lot. I should probably stop.

Oh and Dean's feet and my feet.

Pomona being goth as fuck.

Sam invited me to this show and it was amazing.

Tami is one of my best friends. She tells me the truth and cares about animals.

Indian Summer

Here are some of my favorite scans from the past three weeks:

The Integratron, the Giant Rock, and how fricking perfect is Tania?

A very pink hotel in Hollywood I really liked a month or two back, but forgot about until I remembered how happy I was that day. 

Pictures during the show weren't allowed, but Karen O. was everything I thought she would be. 

She sang The Moon Song from Her and forgot the lyrics until someone shouted the next line from the crowd and had to start all over and it was the most endearing and human thing ever.

And when she sang her Michael Jackson Tribute she even put on a sparkly glove and and giggled about it, omg.

Ugh and her dress and her sparkly nail polish and her hair.

I laughed, I cried. Not but really, I did. Like, multiple times.

Higgins hangs.

Thank you for always checking up on me and letting me be moody and telling me how cool I am.

Sometimes, I almost believe you.

Fuck yes.

I kind of had the perfect weekend at FYF.

I slowdanced with myself to Slowdive with my eyes closed (the only way to listen to them, really).

I smoked and ate the best donut of my life while listening to Grimes.

Interpol.

I also witnessed a shitty ex-bf's MAJOR downgrade of a gf stumble into a port-a-potty.

Moments like these give me hope for the universe.

Watching Against Me! play. Also, welcome to 5'0 girl concert vision.

Drinking Stumptown Coffee and smoking in the grass while watching Joanna Gruesome was too perfect. I almost had an aneurysm I was so happy.

Cool fest kid pictures wouldn't be complete without a girl asscheeks-to-pavement, hating her life in the background.